Snippets of a Life
by Queen of the Sugarplum Fairies
Summary: A series of Marauder Era RLSB vignettes. Just short, fluffy, feel good stories. SLASH.
1. Polarities

**Polarities**

Boys didn't do this with other boys.

Real boys picked themselves a nice busty blonde witch to lust after. Or in James Potter's case, a feisty red-headed prefect. If absolutely all else failed, they fell back on some of the more salacious magazines on offer. But they did not, under any circumstances, have a brooding, extremely handsome, grey-eyed, dark-haired young man constantly on their mind.

Not that Sirius Black wasn't the object of many an affection. Girls from across the Hogwarts spectrum watched him with their hearts in their eyes. They would bat their lashes and giggle as he passed, and if they were very lucky, Sirius would flash one of his cheeky, flirting grins in their direction. They seemed to swoon in unison. Many young women even spent whole days before Christmas trying to get caught under the mistletoe with him.

_But none of them feel for him the way I do_, thought Remus petulantly. _None of them know him the way I do_.

Had Sirius learnt how to turn himself into a dog once a month for their benefit? No. Had they sworn vengeance along with Sirius when he'd found out his family had disowned him? No. Had they ever had their ears chewed by Sirius's snappy teeth? No. Of course, they'd both been canine at the time, but all the same. Remus had always been able to see a certain intimacy between Sirius and himself that none of those girls could boast.

Remus had never had close friends before Hogwarts. He'd just assumed that nobody would want anything to do with him once they found out his dirty secret. He'd always been an overly sensible boy, and he'd known intuitively that no parent would want their precious child playing with a little boy who was so _infected_. He'd also known that it wasn't even the slightest bit fair, but there was to be no changing it. While the Siriuses and the Jameses of the world tumbled through the mud and skinned their knees and made the Peters of the world eat grasshoppers, he, Remus John Lupin, had stayed inside and read.

He'd been a sad, lonely boy until he'd come to Hogwarts and met James, Peter and, of course, the luminescent Sirius. He'd always admired Sirius. Even from the first moment they'd met, while still waiting to be sorted. Sirius had been running off with James's hat, and had crashed headlong into the pale faced, terrified Remus. Sirius had been confident and charming, and though small in stature, huge in personality. He'd wasted no time in introducing himself, and had then launched into an in-depth explanation of his life. He spoke frankly about how if he wasn't chosen for Slytherin he was going to be disinherited, so he was going to ask to be put in Gryffindor. Remus, who had been tongue-tied and weak-kneed with nerves, had only been able make a mental note to beg for Gryffindor. Still to this day Remus didn't know why Sirius had befriended him. Why would someone like Sirius want someone small, shy and quiet like Remus tagging along in their shadow? In his opinion, Sirius was everything he was not and could never be. Loud, outgoing, brash, unafraid, reckless. Exciting. He'd always looked like life was there for him to enjoy and take full advantage of at every possible moment. Remus felt like life was just one battle after the next and you just had to keep fighting till you died.

And now he was sitting on one of the chairs in the Gryffindor common room, a book propped open on his lap, fighting back everything he felt for Sirius.

Not that he could ever tell anybody about the agony he was going through. Sirius would probably freak out completely and never speak to him again. Nothing was worse than that, not even the anguish he was suffering in keeping it all to himself. Plus, James and Peter would probably agree with Sirius and think him utterly mad, and then he'd have none of his friends left. Without the Marauders, Remus was less than nothing.

It was at that moment that Sirius clambered through the portrait hole. Shaking his hair out of his sparkling eyes, he grinned and swaggered over to where Remus was sitting. Remus had to fight the warm, squiggly butterflies out of his stomach.

"What are you looking so smug about?" Remus asked, his tone dry and sarcastic in an attempt to hide his fluttering nerves.

"Snivellus." Replied Sirius, with great satisfaction.

Remus sighed. He sometimes felt sorry for Severus Snape. James and Sirius rarely gave him so much as a moments peace. But then Snape would do something malicious and spiteful, and Remus would forget his sympathy.

"What did you do to him this time?" He asked resignedly.

"Nothing!" replied Sirius, with the wounded air of an innocent man wrongly accused. "Course, Snivellus won't believe me. But I stand by the fact that his nose was that big before I met him in the halls."

"Engorgement charm, then?" Remus asked idly. He should have suspected as much. Snape's nose was a source of endless fun to Sirius. If it had been anybody else casting itching, swelling and acne charms on a fellow student's nose, Remus would have been most unimpressed and disapproving. But Sirius was, and had always been, special.

"One of my finer spells." Sirius said. "Not that they aren't all fabulous. But this one was truly beautiful."

He pretended to wipe away a tear, and then settled himself down next to Remus. Pulling some unidentifiable foodstuff out of his pocket, he proceeded to tuck into it. As much as Remus loved Sirius, he recognised there were some less refined aspects to the boy, and didn't wonder why Sirius's animagus form was a dog. He was brushing a slimy something off his knee when Sirius began mumbling around his full mouth.

"So... Moony," his words were barely recognisable. "What have you been up to, all on your lonesome? Haven't been into Prongsie's naughty magazine stash, have you? Sly old wolfie, you are."

Remus laughed. "If you recall, Sirius, it was you that James caught… ahem… red handed, shall we say, with his copy of Busty and Bewitched. Not me."

Sirius was sucking what remained of his snack off his fingers. Remus didn't think he'd seen anything more sensual in all of his life. "Ah… yes. Good times. I still bear the scars…"

Silence descended. Remus didn't know what to say. He always had to be cautious around Sirius, even more so than he usually was, lest he let anything slip. Considering how close his thoughts of Sirius always were to the surface, it was a found fear that one of them might just come bubbling out. Growing increasingly uncomfortable under the blanket of quiet, Remus started what he hoped would be an innocent conversation.

"As much as I enjoy these little chats of ours, why aren't you celebrating your victory against Severus with James?"

Sirius's face instantly shut off, his features becoming hard and unforgiving. _Damn,_ thought Remus,_ I didn't mean to do that!_ Sullen Sirius, while extremely handsome, was not the best companion. Sirius's tone was bitter and resentful when he spoke.

"He's off _fawning_ over Lily. Lousy traitor. Imagine giving up on your best friends; people who have been there for you through all the messy public rejections and heartbroken nights; for some _female_. I'm not impressed."

He sulked for a moment, staring at his shoes, before adding, "But you'll always be here for me, right Moony? You won't find a beautiful woman of high intelligence who loves… eloquent literature and run off, leaving me all alone? Or with Peter? You'll always be my Moony, right?"

Remus had to suppress a snort. If irony could kill…

"Yes, Sirius, I'll always be here. No womenfolk will have me."

An odd silence followed this statement. Sirius's gaze had left his shoes, and he was now staring at Remus with a deep, burning intensity. Remus was instantly filled with an all-consuming icy panic. He didn't know where to look; only sure that it couldn't be at Sirius. His heartbeat tripled, and he was finding it hard to breathe. It was as if the cold that was flooding him had reached his chest and was closing in, coiling itself up like an arctic serpent. _Merlin, what have I done? Why did I say that?_

"Re…mus?" Sirius croaked, his voice strangled, hoarse.

The first thought that hit Remus was that Sirius had used his real name. Not Moony. He looked up, and met Sirius squarely in the eye. The usual shimmery grey was dark, his pupils dilated almost fully. They shone with passion. Sirius had never been good at hiding his emotions, and now there was something fierce blazing behind those eyes. Remus was trying to analyse it, decipher the eternal Sirius code, when a pair of lips crushed onto his own. It took even Remus's quick mind some time to realise they belonged to Sirius.

There were teeth and there was tongue and it was wet and it was messy. And it was _wonderful_. In so many ways it was exactly the same as being licked by Padfoot, and in so many ways it was utterly and completely different. It was _meaningful_. Remus was flying and diving and spinning out of control, and he was loving every minute of it. But it seemed to be over just as soon as it had started. Sirius pulled away, and Remus hadn't even had the chance to return the kiss. Sirius looked horrified. He stood suddenly, shaking the sofa. Turning on his heel, he made to flee. He was heading for the portrait hole. Out the chute and away, away. Remus seemed to be watching him move in slow motion, still not quite comprehending. Running away was not the Sirius way. Perpetual denial was the _Remus_ way.

Remus suddenly realised what he was doing. He was letting Sirius escape in his usual passive, giving-up way. What kind of Gryffindor was he, anyway? Sirius; everything he'd ever wanted. Sirius of his dreams. Well, if Sirius was going to act so like Remus, then Remus would have to do his best impression of Sirius. He found himself on his feet. A voice that seemed completely detached from his own was speaking.

"Sirius! Wait!"

Sirius paused, turned back. His black hair flicked like he was some shampoo model. He was so beautiful. Remus didn't know what he could say. His legs were just carrying him across the room as if they had a mind of their own. He ran through possible speeches in his head. Anything that would convince Sirius to stay. Anything that would prove that his brave exhibition of affection was not lost.

_Sirius, don't leave. Don't you see? We're just like Romeo and Juliet… _No. That wouldn't work. Sirius probably wouldn't know who they were. Plus, Romeo and Juliet both ended up dead.

_Was that real? Did you mean that? Because if you feel that way, maybe we could…_ No. That was too formal. Too serious.

Oh no. Remus's legs had brought him level with Sirius and he still didn't know what to say. Why did words fail him now? Why did they desert him the very moment he needed them most? Hadn't he always been faithful to them? He never let Sirius abuse grammar, he was loyal to literature! He… Merlin! He was kissing Sirius! How did that happen? He didn't remember closing that last gap! He never, ever thought he'd have the courage to do that. But now his lips were dancing with Sirius's. Sirius was actually kissing him back. Only in his very wildest dreams had Sirius _kissed him back_.

Sirius moaned from deep behind his soft lips. Remus just couldn't believe he was having this kind of effect on him. He felt something running around his neck and tangling in his hair, and realised it was Sirius's hand. Sirius's long fingers tugged lightly at the hair falling down his neck. Remus gasped, lost somewhere between ecstasy and shock.

After what seemed like an eternity, Remus pulled himself from the kiss. He stood somewhat sheepishly facing Sirius, who looked like he was not quite connected to reality. All of his courage seemed to have slipped away from him, leaving him uncertain and vulnerable. He took a half step backwards, stammering as he did so.

"Remus… was that… I mean, you did… and I did…"

Remus moved in closer, so they were only centimetres apart, and tucked a strand of Sirius's dark hair back behind his ear. "I adore you." He murmured. "You don't ever need to run away from me."

And in a completely uncharacteristic sign of submission, Sirius laid his forehead on Remus's shoulder. His hair brushed on Remus's neck and Remus heard him whisper something. Remus couldn't make out actual words, but he couldn't care less. For the first time ever, he felt whole. The world seemed to revolve around the two of them, and at that moment, everything was right.


	2. Confessional

**Confessional**

It was late, and it was dark, and Sirius and Remus were lying on the cool grass under a sprinkled veil of stars. They were near the Forbidden Forest, and Remus could hear snuffling and footfalls and breaking branches. The kinds of noises he imagined he made under the light of the full moon. But he was quite unafraid. He wasn't scared of anything when he was with Sirius. Anything except losing Sirius.

It was a most befuddling thing. You could care so deeply about someone that whenever you were with them you felt like you were flying and diving and loop-the-looping and your heart was racing and you could barely even breathe at all. Like there was a bubble of fizzy happiness rising up inside you and it made you feel like you could do anything. But then there was the other side to it all. That omnipresent ache somewhere deep in your chest. The tight grip of terror that something would happen to the one you loved, or that somehow they would not feel the same way.

Remus couldn't understand it at all. He ran his hand lightly across the tickling blades of grass, trying to ground his thoughts. Trying to stop them bouncing off the stars and extending into infinity. This was something that was too huge, too all-consuming for him to comprehend. He couldn't break it down into all of its little components and gradually learn to see the whole picture, the way he did when he was figuring out a potion. It wasn't like a charm, something that you could keep practising until you knew the incantation backwards and could do the wand movement in your sleep. It was just _there_, colouring your world in pastels and making you hear music that wasn't there.

He gazed across at Sirius, who had his hands folded on his chest as he stared up at the clear indigo sky. The silence between them was gentle, safe. Remus felt he could lie there until the tentative pinkness began spreading over the horizon, not saying nor doing anything. Being with Sirius was like being with another part of himself. As if they were two halves to the same whole. Sirius gave him the confidence to say what he thought without agonising over each and every possible implication. Of course, he sometimes regretted it later, but the fact remained that Sirius was the only person in the world who made Remus feel like a normal, valuable person with views and opinions worth listening to. And now the light of the nearly full moon was giving him wolf-strength and the inky sky was smiling on him and Sirius's presence was intoxicating and Remus knew he could ask.

"Sirius… how do you define love?"

Without skipping a beat or even pausing to look at Remus, Sirius replied, "It's like hating someone, except without the anger."

Remus sighed and laid his head on the side to properly examine Sirius's profile. The damp earth was cool against his cheek. "Of all the nonsensical and downright ridiculous things you have ever said to me, this is the least helpful. And trust me, it has solid competition."

Sirius tore his stare from the constellations above and turned to face Remus. Their noses were within millimetres of each other. Time always seemed to run a little differently whenever they were that close. As if it were being stretched right out for some moments and then snapped back again for others. Remus would have dearly liked to be able to stop time entirely, so that the world could be condensed down to just the two of them. Just the warmth of their touches and the consecutive beating of their hearts. Like they were at the stillpoint, and everything else could just slip away.

"Think about it," Sirius said eventually. "When you hate someone, though you probably never have because you're golden Moony boy, they're always in your head, living in your thoughts. You are completely bent on that person. In an odd sort of way, they make you complete. Without them, there's an emptiness in you. But all of this is negative; destructive. If you take away the anger and leave only the passion, _that's _love. Or at least something like it."

Sirius logic, while in no way related to earth logic, did make some weird kind of sense. In a completely warped way. Remus tried to absorb this new information; tried to make it fit in his mind.

_Why does this have to be so hard? _

Remus worked with solid facts. He didn't follow vague theories. That was why he was so good at Arithmancy and so utterly terrible at Divination.

_Why do feelings and emotions have to be so fluid, so hazy? _

That was the eternal enigma. One code that no books would ever be able to help him decipher.

All the while, Sirius was watching him with a dark, unreadable look in his eyes. He seemed to be able to see something more than what was there, and to Remus that was more than a little unnerving. He tried to backtrack, stumbling as he attempted to justify himself and diffuse the intensity in Sirius's stare. He didn't want Sirius to get the wrong idea, after all. To think that he'd meant… something that he didn't mean. Remus mentally kicked himself. This was one of the times that Sirius reducing his inhibitions to nothing was not such a wonderful thing.

"It's just that James keeps saying that… well, you know… that he's in love with Lily, and I've never known how he could be so _sure_. How does he know that it's _love_ that he's feeling? Couldn't it just be… lust, or… strong fondness?"

Sirius edged a little closer to Remus, so that their noses had closed that final abyss and were now touching. He nuzzled Remus a little, in a completely dog-like display of affection. He was so close that Remus could hear every whispered word as clearly as if Sirius had cast _Sonorus _on himself.

"No… James would die for Lily. As utterly disgusting as that is, I think… I'm fairly sure that it's love. But only James can say for sure. Only he feels it. When you're in love you just… know. It defies all explanation. It's as if it's… I don't know… in your _soul_, I suppose."

Silence descended in the wake of this comment, like gentle snow in winter or falling leaves in autumn. A cool breeze blew past, rustling the branches of the Forbidden Forest in a calm, pensive sort of way. While Sirius breathed faintly, Remus did what he did best. He thought.

"Sirius?" He was both happy and terrified to discover that his mouth was capable of forming words. "I… I think… I think I think…"

Running his fingers up and down Remus's forearm, Sirius cut in softly. "You think too much."

Remus inhaled deeply and forced himself to look directly into Sirius's eyes. The grey was clear and shining, quietly hopeful and innocently anticipatory.

"I love you, Sirius." He breathed.

Sirius didn't answer immediately, but rather shifted so that his head was resting on Remus's chest. His cheek was warm on Remus's ridgy collarbone, his breath lightly dancing on the soft skin of Remus's neck.

"I know you do." He whispered, shutting his eyes and settling himself down into the contours of Remus's body. He felt he could slot into it perfectly; like it was made just for him to slide in next to and hold in his arms forever. "You don't have to say."

Smiling, Remus leaned across and brushed his lips across Sirius's forehead. Sirius gave a contented purr and snuggled in closer, sprawling his leg across Remus's thighs. Remus suddenly felt pleasantly warm all over, and knew that he was blushing into the darkness. There was a moment of utter tranquillity, and then Sirius spoke again.

"Remus… I love you, too."


End file.
